Take Control
Law school taught me many useful things but also trained me to argue and react quickly. With years of training, I’d had an overdose of what I call “reactive rum.” As a person who becomes drunk after too many drinks, I too would lose my balance with a reactive mind.| If someone gave me an idea even if for my benefit, I thought it better to argue and prove him or her wrong. I had to form an opinion for the slightest reason and involve myself in bringing out my point of view. It was exhausting and joyless, but it became a habit. After going deeper in meditation, things changed. Every time a thought or argument came to my mind, I let it pass. Soon I was able to keep my mind still for a long time. I practiced it often. In no time, I was at peace even when faced with confrontation. I was a witness. It was like watching cars pass by without worrying or analyzing their make or model. I listened to people and their ideas, and I even listened to their arguments and opinions, but I remained silent. I didn’t need to argue because I was content and joyful within. However, I didn’t lose the ability to argue or react, in fact these skills would come at the perfect time, whenever I needed them, and always with strength of clarity and honesty. Also, when necessary, I meditated on a problem and the solution came efficiently. |
I remember a small episode. I was looking out through a window at home. Suddenly, I noticed a weak old man sitting on the street below. He looked homeless. There were some young boys who gathered around him and started poking him with sticks and laughing. I didn’t even have to think. Immediately, I ran outside and practically chased those kids away so they wouldn’t hurt him. Of course, the police took the man somewhere because he was homeless. When I came back inside, I had a good laugh at myself, but I was surprised that I didn’t have anger for the boys. I knew within me what was right and wrong and simply acted. I didn’t feel myself forming an opinion or building up a reaction to anyone. I feel because of meditative strength, a dynamic force began to work in me where I just acted. |
